


RTAH Spy AU 1

by QueenCoeurl



Series: Spy AU [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Animal Attack, Blood and Gore, Espionage, Gen, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 18:58:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6251704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCoeurl/pseuds/QueenCoeurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff has the crew rob a very dangerous rival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	RTAH Spy AU 1

Geoff took another sip of his whiskey and leaned up against the bar appearing bored and apathetic towards the decadence around him. It was an act; he was keenly aware of every movement of the party goers around him, and ever conscious of the whereabouts of their dangerous host.

The event was lavish and set in the main ball room with festivities travelling out into the grand gardens beyond the mansion. Guests mingled and milled about creating a chattering din that mixed with the live orchestra’s music. The main ball room had its doors open to the garden, letting the breeze carry in a light perfume of Gardenia with sweet undertones of Lilac. Strings of lights and lanterns twinkled like stars among the shrubbery, while inside the ball room champagne glass towers and crystal chandeliers glittered.

Geoff glanced at his watch and waited for the bartender to busy himself at the far end of the bar, “Status update?” he muttered.

“I’ve got eyes on the street and entrance. On standby.”  Jack answered in Geoff’s ear. He was seated in the driver’s seat of a large black limo parked in front of the mansion among the assortment of guests’ vehicles. He glanced over at a group of chauffeurs standing around making small talk next to their vehicles, “Everything is quiet out here.” He leaned back and pulled his black cap down to feign a nap.

“In position.” Ray shifted in his prone position to better settle himself in. He broke off a branch that crossed his line of sight and looked down the scope of his rifle, “Looks like their security patrols are getting tired. I’m seeing yawns and lit cigarettes. No dogs, like you said, just some grunts standing around.” He scanned the grounds from his hidden post well across the estate grounds and spotted the dark figure silently stalking along one of the many rooftops to a large darkened picture window, “I spy with my little eye; Ryan the B&E guy.”

Ryan huffed in annoyance but ignored the remark as he settled down well hidden in the shadows just below the window, “I’m in position and awaiting the signal.”

There was an awkward silence on the radio that worried them all.

Geoff stood up straight and was ready to abort when there was nothing but crackle, “Mogar, Gav, what’s your status?!” he didn’t let his worry show, but was ready to call the mission off.

Loud static and rustling was heard along with Michael’s hushed voice, “Minor problem-“

Gavin’s worried voice cut him off, “Oh he’s spotted us, he sees us – OOOOHHH BLOODY HELL, MICO!”

“Mogar have you been compromised, do we need to abort?” Geoff didn’t want to speak too loudly but hoped he was still audible over Gavin’s squawks, some sort of hissing, and a mad fluttering.

“Everything’s fine!” Michael’s stifled laughter was audible, “Gavin-”

“THERE’S ANOTHER BLOODY-” Gavin yelped and more hissing and fluttering was heard with the odd hard thump.

“Oh god, now they’re after me- GAVIN WHY?” Michael was incredulous in his anger.

“Ray do you have a visual on the situation? Can you give us an update?” Geoff tried to remain calm.

“Affirmative, it just looks like a lot of rustling in the reeds by the pond, I can’t-” Ray saw a white feathered bird be roughly tossed from inside the reeds into the water, only to arc its neck and return back into the fray, “It’s a swan, they’re being attacked by a swan.” They could hear Ray’s smile in his words.

Jack was incredulous, “A swan, they’re being bested by a swan?!”

“Just wring its damn neck!” Ryan added.

“Its two swans, first of all, and second they are much more difficult to deal with when you’re crouching in mud,” Michael panted, “And in the dark!”

“Plus you can’t just kill swans!” Gavin was clearly out of breath and was still yelping as he swatted away the vicious bird each time it came for his face.

“This is America; the Queen has no power here.” Ryan couldn’t believe this was happening; they were all professionals here and swans may not have been covered in their briefing but they shouldn’t be posing this much of a problem in the first place.

“GAVIN! I got mine!” Michael cheered as he tied up the feathered fiend with some spare detonation cable and leapt onto the one Gavin was cowering from, quickly subduing it and hog tying it as well.

“We’re clear!” Gavin choked out desperately trying to wipe off some of the mud slathered all over him, “In position.”

“Ray are they clear from your angle?” Ryan asked.

“Clear, thank god. No one noticed the commotion. But fair warning I did see peacocks on the grounds.” Ray confirmed.

Ryan sighed, “We didn’t come here to murder his menagerie. Try to stay clear of the fowl from now on.”

“We’re good. On Standby and ready to move.” Michael’s mind came back to the job at hand but he couldn’t help but smirk when Gavin muttered something about thinking that he had mud in his mouth.

Ryan repositioned himself, and readied the glass cutter. From his position he could already see the type of security he’d have to deal with. It was mostly standard home security fare; with the exclusion of what guarded their target. An armed man sat in the room watching the doorway, but his back was to the window. The safe sat solidly mounted in the wall behind a desk to Ryan’s left. He pulled out a lunchbox sized device and flipped on its screen.

“Gavin give me a signal test.” He ordered.

Gavin opened up a heavy duty case and turned on the laptop within, “We’re good, I’ve got full signal.”

Geoff scratched his moustache, “Ready?”

A chorus of confirmations spurred him into action. He finished his whiskey and waved the bartender over to ask for a gin and tonic. The bartender quickly delivered and Geoff gave him a tip. Drink in hand Geoff walked out onto the main floor where many idle conversations were taking place. He spotted the host chatting up one of his longtime friends, while his right hand man drifted around the edges of the room.

Geoff grabbed a miniature quiche from a server walking by and popped it in his mouth as he approached a bubbly and clearly tipsy woman standing nearby. He gently bumped into her, feigning ignorance, and apologized profusely as he spilled some of his drink on her green dress and onto the marble floor.

She quickly forgave him, “With the state I’m in I’m just glad it was somebody else’s drink!” she laughed and slapped him on the shoulder.

 Geoff smiled, and gave a quick glance at the women’s stilettos, “Better mine than yours. Let me wave one of the servers over to help you clean up.” He waved one over and they quickly grabbed a cloth and hurried over. The server bent to wipe up the drink and Geoff pulled the woman over to stand in front of him with the server busy behind her, in the guise of making room for the cleanup.

He struck up some meaningless small talk and began to slowly close the gap between them, until the woman instinctively stepped back in an effort to preserve her personal space. She stepped back into the cleaning server and lost her balance, and her drink, as she toppled over backwards. She fell back into their host’s back, causing him to lose his glasses and spill his drink on himself as she instinctively grabbed at him to stop her fall.

By the time she was helped up by the flustered host and his conversational partners, Geoff was long gone. She looked up at the people around her confused, the host looked at her in concern and she saw small wet beads of what had been her Manhattan hanging from his beard.

Geoff asked a staff member where the bathroom was and when they walked away he silently made his way up onto the second floor and into the hallway, “It’s on.”

Ryan immediately sprang into action. He cut away a small circle of glass, quietly removed it, while grabbing a magnet with his other hand. Gently placing the glass down he slipped his black knife between his teeth and put his hand holding the magnet through the hole and onto the security sensor. He then switched hands and gingerly undid the lock on the window without taking his eyes off the man sitting inside. The only movement was a yawn. Ryan brought back his hand and grabbed the knife. He wedged it beneath the window and carefully teased it upwards until he could fit his gloved fingers beneath.  Knife between his teeth once more, he slowly lifted the frame just high enough to slip in, and silently landed on the plush carpeting inside.

The guard stood up into a stretch, reaching up and arching his back. In an instant Ryan had his hand over the man’s mouth and his other hand buried the knife into the guard’s spinal column. The guard died instantly and Ryan caught his weight and slowly lowered the body to the floor before retrieving his blade and rifling through the man’s pockets. Finding his ID, phone, keys, gun, and radio, he swiped the last two. Having dispatched the guard he closed the window and stalked over to the door, to give a quick listen for any movement. It was quiet, so he pulled out a small laparoscopic camera that he fed beneath the door to monitor the hallway. He pulled up the image on his phone; there was another armed security guard in the hall but he hadn’t appeared to notice that anything had occurred.

Propping up his phone next to the safe, he once again pulled out the lunchbox sized device and securely mounted it over the safe’s number pad and dial.

He flipped it on, “Alright Gavin, you’re on.” He grabbed his phone, unholstered his silenced pistol, and stood facing the door while watching his camera feed.

“Right!” Gavin answered and pulled off his muddy gloves, once again opening the laptop. He successfully connected to the device, put on a pair of headphones and began remotely cracking the safe.

Michael moved into a better lookout position to ensure no one had a chance to sneak up on them while Gavin was fully focusing on the safe. He readied his rifle. The swans had stopped struggling as well, and lay tied up in the mud exhausted and defeated.

                The machine attached to the safe quietly whirred and clicked as it mimicked Gavin’s actions on the other end. Ryan flopped down into the seat the guard had occupied, gun still in hand and his live feed in the other. He smirked, amused, this was much too easy.

                A voice came on through the dead guard’s radio, “Teams Alpha to Charlie, check in.”

                One voice responded, “Alpha One, clear.” And then another, “Alpha Two, clear.”

Ryan put down his phone and picked up the radio.

The next voice came, “Bravo One, clear.” And the next, “Bravo Two, clear.” There was a pause.

Ryan quickly answered, “Charlie One, clear.”

There was another pause before the original radio voice asked, “Bravo One and Two, can I get a status update on Bravo Three?”

Ryan silently mouthed, “FUCK” as he saw the Guard in the hallway begin walking down towards the door. He moved himself against the door, ready to shoot through it and into the man’s head once he came near. Spotting Geoff sneak around a corner, Ryan lowered his pistol and watched as Geoff pulled his out his pocket 9mm and put a hand over the guard’s mouth, pulling him close.

The guard’s eyes were wide with fear as Geoff spoke to him, “Bravo One ain’t coming to save your ass. You co-operate, you live. Understood?”

The guard nodded in understanding, as Geoff disarmed him.

“Bravo Three’s status: He fell asleep and you had to wake him.” Geoff instructed and motioned to the radio, taking his hand off of the guard’s mouth.

The guard picked up his radio, “B-Bravo Two here; Bravo Three fell asleep on the job. He’s up now.”

“Thank you for confirming status. Bravo Three can you confirm?”

Geoff grabbed the radio from the guard, “Bravo Three here, I’m fired aren’t I?”

“We won’t need you reporting in tomorrow.” The radio went silent.

Geoff prodded the guard with his gun towards the room Ryan was in. When they approached, Ryan unlocked and opened the door for them to come through, locking it once more behind them.

Ryan spoke to Geoff as Geoff waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, “I figure we don’t have much time. Pretty sure Charlie One will be smart enough to figure out that I’m not him.”

Geoff stopped mid nod when he saw moonlight reflect up off the large pool of blood on the floor, “Jesus fucking Christ Ryan! Really?”

Ryan looked up at Geoff who was still securely holding the now petrified guard, “What?”

Geoff gestured to the mess with his pistol, “This!” he pushed the guard down into a chair, “Look man, you can’t just kill everyone, all the time.”

Ryan pointed at Geoff, “Then what happened to Bravo One?”

“He’s gagged and out cold in an en suite!” Geoff explained and then turned to the guard, “Look _I_ might not kill you if you do something stupid, but he’ll fucking gut you.”

“I stabbed him in the spine! That’s not a gutting!” Ryan protested.

Geoff shook his head, “Fucking Hell.”

There was a soft click from the safe and all heads turned towards it.

Gavin’s voice was shrill with celebration, “I did it guys! Safe’s open!”

“You guys better hurry it looks like Charlie One finally realized you weren’t him, Ryan. They’re calling security in towards the house. Move your asses out of there.”  Ray warned.

Ryan grabbed his bag and both he and Geoff threw the safe door open and began sweeping its contents into the bag. Documents, papers, and encrypted hard drives were cleared out and Ryan tightly closed the bag.

 The room grew slightly brighter as the guard took this distraction as an opportunity to dash out the door.

Ryan cursed and moved to sprint after him, but Geoff grabbed him, stopping him in his tracks.

“We have the shit, now let’s fucking go!” Geoff hollered at him and shouldered the bag.

Ryan jogged to the window and let Geoff out onto the roof as the door burst open and armed men flooded the room. Without hesitation Ryan fired into their midst, tagging a few and forcing the others to scramble for cover. He kept firing as he followed Geoff out onto the roof. Ryan let down a rope and they quickly dropped down onto the manicured lawn.

“Ray, I have a feeling you’re going to be busy shortly.” Ryan stated as he undid his rope and broke into a sprint behind Geoff.

“Michael anytime now would be great-” Geoff’s plea was answered by a large fireball at the far side of the property. Distant screams came from startled and horrified guests. But now security had two problems to worry about.

Jack took the fireball as his cue; it had only been set up should things go as wrong as they seemed to be going. This meant the limo was no longer the getaway and was instead a barricade. His engine roared to life and he pulled out of his parking space among the others. The limo’s engine strained as Jack forced it to accelerate faster than it had been designed to.  He barreled down the long driveway and once he was near the end he jerked the steering wheel sharply, throwing the limo into a sudden sideways drift. The limo slowed until it hit the main gate into the estate, effectively blocking both the vehicle and pedestrian entrances. Jack left via the sun roof and jumped up from the roof of the limo over the stone wall that surrounded the property. He lowered himself down on the other side and broke into a run as he heard the distant bangs of Ray’s rifle going off.

“I’m clear of the limo!” Jack let them know as he ran.

Michael grabbed the laptop from Gavin and lowered his arm to help pull Gavin up onto the property wall, “Just a second Jack, I’m lifting Gavin’s fat ass.”

Ray reloaded without so much as blinking, “Everyone’s taken cover. I’ve lost sight of Ryan and Geoff among the trees. Let me know when you’re clear of the wall.”

“We’re scaling it now” Geoff answered and jumped up to grab the top of the wall while splitting nearly every seam in his tuxedo. Ryan roughly grabbed him in an effort to help him up and over the wall. They both dropped down on the other side while Geoff grumbled about the state of his new tux.

“We’re clear and heading to the rendezvous with Michael and Gavin.” Ryan reported to Ray.

Another fireball suddenly bloomed from underneath the limo, setting it and the nearby ground on fire. Security personnel that had been trying to open the gate stumbled back in pain, and were now faced with a much more intimidating obstacle.

Ray quickly began to disassemble his rifle to pack up and was closing his gun case when he heard a howl from the woods.

“Please be a coyote, please be a coyote.” He chanted, but the howl was answered by a chorus of barks that began to get closer. He sprung to his feet and began to run, “WE’VE GOT DOOOOOGGGSSS!”

Jack saw a SWAT van quietly approaching, and his run became a walk, but his heart still pounded. No sirens or lights were on and as it got closer and slowed to a stop he couldn’t help but smile at the red haired woman wearing full SWAT gear behind the steering wheel.

“Hurry up and get in Jack!” Lindsay opened the passenger door for him as he jumped up into the van. She accelerated as soon as he was in, “Kdin and Caleb are in the back, they’ll get you into a uniform.”

Jack went into the back of the van where the two boys were just as Lindsay had said. They quickly helped him into his tactical gear.

Ray ran through the woods dodging trees and jumping stumps with nearly thirty pounds of gun strapped to his back. His throat was raw and he soon tasted the metallic tang of blood at the back of his tongue, but the barks growing ever nearer behind him kept him running. He heard branches breaking behind him and a large German Shepard sprung from the undergrowth and clamped its jaws into his calf. Ray yelped and went down. He drew his survival knife and stabbed towards the dog. His blade connected with bone and the dog instantly let go, whining and whimpering as it dragged itself away.

“Sorry bro, it’s not personal.” Ray whispered, but his head snapped up as the sound of the rest of the pack was closing in. He stood his ground as best as he could on his injured leg and fumbled around unholstering his 9mm as the rest of the dogs closed in. It was dark, but the occasional yelp let him know that he was actually getting the odd hit. The dogs were smart and soon kept their distance with their tails between their legs. He took out his knife once more, cut off his pant leg and tied it around the bite, before staggering forward. The dogs still followed but kept a growing distance away from him.

His eye caught a metal glint before him and he knew he’d made it. He hurried out onto the dirt path where his getaway bike had been parked. He checked that his gun case was still secure on his back and slipped on his helmet. He put the keys in the ignition and the motorcycle sprung to life.

Jack motioned for Lindsay to pull over, “Here.” She stopped the van, “I’m at the rendezvous; we’re the van.”

Caleb threw open the back doors as Gavin, Michael, Geoff, and Ryan hurried inside.

“Do we have any updates on Ray?” Geoff immediately asked them as they began to move.

“His mic went dead when he was running from the dogs. If he’s at his bike he’s probably out of range of us by now.” Jack turned around in his seat to face the crew.

Ryan dropped the large duffle bag onto the floor, “We have this at least, and as far as I know none of us got shot getting it.”

Gavin sighed and rubbed off some drying mud, “I’m worried about Ray.”

“We knew there’d be radio silence from him. He’s fine.” Ryan reassured.

The sounds of sirens faded in the distance as they made the escape back to their safe house, where an angry Ray was already waiting for them as they pulled up into the old warehouse.

“Ray!” Michael cheered as they all unloaded, but Ray was not in a happy mood.

He stomped up to Geoff, “Your intel said no dogs! No dogs, huh? Well what the fuck do you call this?!” He lifted his injured leg and gestured to his make shift bandage that had already begun to bleed through.

Caleb lifted a finger and opened his mouth, decided against getting involved, and left in search of their med kit.

“You’re up to date on your shots right?” Ryan commented and Ray shot him a glare.

“So the intel missed a detail. All that matters is we’re all safe and we have the goods.” Geoff shrugged as Ray fumed.

They unpacked their equipment and cleaned up while Geoff pulled out the documents they had stolen and Ryan began to work on the encrypted drives. Ray flopped down on a shabby old couch and Caleb worked on patching him up to prevent infection, while Lindsey and Kdin helped Gavin and Michael clean off as much of the pond muck as possible.

“This is incredible; these contain all of his mercenaries’ codenames. Members of both the militias. They even reference that the drives contain further information on the freelancers in his hire. Wait until Gus and Matt see this, they’ll flip.” Geoff turned to Ryan, “Any progress on those drives?”

Ryan popped open a can of Diet Coke, “Just let it do its thing.”

The doors to the warehouse were suddenly thrown open and heavily armed men came in and fanned out before the crew. They all froze in their positions. Gavin with one leg in a clean pair of trousers. Michael in the middle of taking a drink. Ray sitting down with his leg up slowly lifted his hands in surrender. Jack, Geoff, and Ryan simply turned in stunned silence.

After the armed men, in walked their gracious party host and his right hand man.

Jack was the first to ask the question on all their lips, “How did you find us Burnie?”

Burnie gave a small nod to Ryan.

“You motherfucker,” Geoff hissed at Ryan.

Ryan shrugged with a smile, “He paid better.”

Burnie chuckled, “So,” he gestured at the spread out documents and harddrives, “I want those back, please.” He noticed their lack of a willingness to move, “Joel and I had to sacrifice the lives of some really great people tonight in order to track you and your crew down, Geoff. You could say we’re a bit short on patience, and unwilling to negotiate.”

“Nice talk, but I do not have time for this.” Joel whined and grabbed the gun from the hands of the man closest to him.

This instantly set everyone in motion. Michael immediately set off a flash bang and tackled Gavin to the ground. Ray grabbed a large semi-automatic he had stashed behind the couch cushions and began to fire. Ryan tore off two handguns he had taped to the bottom of his desk and tossed one to Geoff. Jack immediately leapt into the parked SWAT van. Kdin, Lindsay, and Caleb ducked for the closest cover.

The resulting conflict was a chaotic and noisy affair, but when the dust settled, Burnie and Joel we nowhere to be seen, having fled the scene.

Geoff immediately turned on Ryan, gun aimed at his heart, “You have five seconds to explain.” His nose was bleeding but he ignored it.

Everyone else gathered around, while nursing their wounds. They had been lucky that Jack had moved quickly enough to turn the bullet proof van around into a position where it had been used as a defensive wall.

At having a gun pointed at him, Ryan instinctively lifted his own, but stopped himself before pointing it at Geoff. He let it spin around to hang from his trigger finger as he put his hands up defensively before him, “Look, if you had the opportunity to cash in two paychecks at the end of the day-”

Geoff cut him off with a solid punch to the jaw.

Ryan dropped his gun and staggered back, pulling a bloodied hand away from his face where his lip had split. He straightened and spat out some blood, “If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead!” He stepped back with his hands in front of him as Geoff stepped forward, “I threw you a gun didn’t I? Could have easily just shot you!”

“You know he’s right Geoff.” Jack calmly stated, “He could have easily had us all caught or killed at any point in the mission, but we’re here and we have what we wanted. All while eliminating a good chunk of Burnie’s people.”

“Thank you Jack.” Ryan sighed.

“Fuck you, Ryan.” Jacked spat.

Geoff backed down, allowing Ryan to straighten his posture, “Ryan, if you ever fucking play any of us like that again, I will fucking end you. I don’t care what you’re trying to accomplish, or how useful you think you are. So much as one suspicious _twitch_ from you, and you’ll suffer one serious fucking case of bullet-to-the-brain.” He jabbed his finger towards Ryan, “You got that?”

Ryan nodded.

Geoff turned away to face everyone else, “Let’s lick our wounds and get moving, It won’t be long until they’re back.”


End file.
